Two years ago, yesterday, I stood in a small bedroom with two bunk beds and three nervous roommates. I hugged my mom and cried that I was designated a top bunk (I have a dreadful fear of falling). Then off she went to the airport to fly home, and I was on my own for the first time in my life.
How the next 6 months flew by. I had never been wrenched open by so many emotional swings in my life. How much I learned and cried and loved in those six months.
Two years ago, yesterday, I had driven to IHOP to become a OneThing Intern. Those were the sweetest months of my life so far. I was so immature…haha…and yet so blindly in love with my God. He wooed me in a way that I believe will set the course for the rest of my life.
It’s amazing how a tiny portion of your life – six months, for example – can transform you. What I was taught and experienced at IHOP is absolutely invaluable to me. I wouldn’t give up those experiences, those mistakes, those growing pains, for anything.
And where am I now? I am still in my weakness. I am still in my immaturity. I am still in a prayer room.
Now I am in Roseville. Now I am watching the small beginnings of a house of prayer that will one day take down the strongholds over California.
There’s so much I have sacrificed to be a forerunner. There’s so much I do that makes no sense to man. But the Lord reminds me so consistently that His ways are not man’s as I meditate on 1 Cor. 2. I want to do everything that the world despises.
I desire to be weak. I desire to put the Lord first even when it is so unpopular. I desire to suffer for His sake. He has required much of me, He still does every day, but I am learning to fall in love with the process of being a lover of Him. I know it is so unromantic in the way it manifests every day, but I am feeling a new kind of tenderness; everything makes me cry right now. My heart is being tested daily with the questions, “Is it worth this?,” “Do you really know you are doing the right thing?,” and, “Do you know what it will cost?”
But here I am, even though it’s never been so hard, still taking Jesus’ cup in my hands and saying, “Yes.”