The Worry Behind Your Eyes

Ugly wall of worry

To some extent, we all put up a wall in our minds and hide a thought process behind it. Hopefully you don’t have many of these walls keeping your thoughts from those around you, but don’t lie — you know what I’m talking about.

I don’t want to get into the issues of shame and fear of man, though they’re common walls. What I’ve been meditating on is a big, ugly wall so many of us are hiding behind: worrying about money.

I’ve heard a lot of stories lately about how financial big wigs and missionaries alike are getting hit with the effects of the economy. Two IMs at my HOP had their phones shut off recently. It’s that bad.

So last night I was asking the Lord about His promise in Malachi:

“‘Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and try Me now in this,’ says the Lord of hosts, ‘If I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it.'”
Malachi 3:10

I started to cry as I told the Lord I hadn’t seen the fulfillment of that promise (I have seen blessing, but not to the point of “not enough room to receive it”). He actually said to bachan (test) Him in His faithfulness.

So maybe this is an encouragement to all of you that God promised He would provide, maybe it’s a shout out to Him that I want to see it in my own life — or recognize it if I just haven’t noticed — I don’t really know. All I know is that God keeps His promises and this is no exception. It’s just hard to see sometimes.

The Friday Diversion – Week III

I am an avid tea drinker. I’m no connoisseur since I only like black teas, but I have become known for my theory that whenever something’s wrong with someone, tea will help. (Well it works for me!) I think it’s a placebo — OK, I know it is — but still, tea helps me when I’m down, when I have a stomach ache, whatever.

So you can imagine that I instantly said, “I want!” when I saw this bag:

Life in South Dakota

I’m going to diverge from my normal prayer room banter for this post and talk about another topic. In my teen years, I was very active in pro-life work with an organization called SOHLNet. I am still avidly pro-life and I couldn’t resist this news before it got stale.

On Monday July 28, Sioux Falls’ Planned Parenthood was closed for the day. Why? Because their preliminary injunction to stop execution of the 2005 informed consent law expired. I had been one of many who prayed over this law and now I can thank God it is finally in effect. It is so effective, actually, that Planned Parenthood would rather shut itself down than comply with it!

So what could be so extreme in this law as to cause PP to shut down? Among other things, the following:

  • Abortion doctors must advise pregnant mothers in writing that the abortion will “terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique, living human being.”
  • Requires the doctor to inform the pregnant mother that the pregnant mother and the second human being have an existing relationship that enjoys protection under the Constitution of the United States, and that the procedure terminates that relationship and the rights associated with it. The Law also requires disclosure of medical risks, including the risk of depression and “increased risk of suicide ideation and suicide.”
  • Penalties for non-compliance could include imprisonment, loss of medical license, and even civil prosecution.

Now, the only question is, how can we get a version of this law passed in California?

A Different Kind of Faith

A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend decided to quit working at a coffee shop and be full-time staff at my prayer room. It’s cool because we will “work” at the same place and be on the same schedule (9pm-4am), but there are a lot of other factors too. When I told one of our friends that we were going to be the poorest people he knew, he responded, “You two are already the poorest people I know!”

The two of us are doing something that makes no physical sense. Relying on God for – literally – my next meal seems so irresponsible. I am in a financial position right now which looks like this: if something drastic doesn’t happen in the next month, I am either on the street or out of the prayer room. But despite that, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in God’s will.

So what am I asking the Lord? Not for some kind of way to make a lot of money quickly, but rather for a different kind of faith. I need a level of faith that’s never been required of me before because this frightens me to death.

Last night I questioned why God makes Himself seem so distant when it comes to simple, physical things like this. Today, I’m just asking that I have the faith to rest in the fact that He is near and He wants to take care of me; for now, this is my journey into the knowledge of God.